As you will have noticed, I changed the design of the blog, simply so I can now proudly display my word count widget to the left. Isn’t it pretty? Makes me all fuzzy to look at it.
Anyway, as promised, here’s two excerpts from what I’ve written so far. Please note that NaNo is for writing, not editing, so it’s pretty raw still, there’s typos and awkward sentence structures in there, unripe concepts of sentences, and lots of word repetitions. If you can bear that, read on!
Why, hello there. I am still alive and well and writing – the latter being the most important right now, of course.
If anyone has had a glance at my page over at NaNoWriMo, they will no doubt have seen that I’m doing pretty well so far – 22k words on day 6 (and I haven’t even really started writing yet for today) is an achievement I’m really proud of.
So, how has it been going? I started off with a great 7,225 words by midnight of the first day and did well except for Wednesday when I reached “only” 1,317 because I procrastinated my writing until past eleven pm and had to start hammering out something before I got a total of zero that day. At school I’m constantly being stared at when I explain that I’m writing a probably-100k-novel just for fun, and people are learning not to ask me how I am today, but what my word count is.
Click for more, including a super-duper-special-exclusive sentence straight from the novel.
So, there’s this thing called National Novel Writing Month, short: NaNoWriMo. I’ve heard about it a few times in the last few years, but never thought much of it. Well, this year I’m along on the ride and have right now 25 minutes left until November, until absolute literary business.
I must be masochistic. I’m about to start in 24 minutes and I don’t even have names for the majority of the characters in my first scene. At least I’ve got a bit of a plot outline and an idea of the beginning, middle and end of the story, which isn’t too bad considering that enough people start without any plot whatsoever. (Although I have to say that I have 22 minutes to go and am feeling the impulse to ditch my whole plot and write a pirate story instead. Must… resist… won’t… give in…)
Now, this is a bit of a first for me – not just NaNo, but the story itself. It’s going to be a ghost story, which is kind of funny considering that I really don’t like ghosts. (I don’t believe in them, but I prefer to think that they really don’t exist, because they’d scare my pants off me.) Now, last night I was happily staying up late, reading on the internet… And suddenly the old CD player in the livingroom goes off! Let’s just put it down to some technical weirdness, okay? I don’t even want to think about ghosts before writing a story about them. Gladly, I’ve got only one ghost, and he’s not the scary yucky type. Whew. Love you, Albert.
Anyway, let’s have a look at my synopsis:
Ghost of a Touch (working title)
Abraxas Timothy Holt, nicknamed Bas, can hardly believe his luck when he gets to move into his own small house, which is very old but just perfect for him to live out his student life and have some space to create his paintings. What he didn’t know he would get in the bargain is the ghost of a young man that died a century ago and knows only his name, Albert, but cannot for the death of him remember how he died.
As time goes on and the two slowly start unravelling the mystery of Albert’s life and death, they develop a curious relationship that leads Bas to question all the rest of his relationships, including those with his family and girlfriend.
Doesn’t that sound exciting? I filed it as “Mystery & Suspense” because weirdly enough, there’s a board for “Horror & Supernatural”, but only a category for “Horror”. Oh well.
May I mention that I love Abraxas’ name?
Anyway, twelve minutes two go and I still have no names for those other people. Perfect! Let’s get cracking.
You can follow my progress here.
Neither of these were written by me, but it’s something we all should give a second (or a third, or a fourth, or…) thought.
The Top Ten Reasons Why Anti-Gay Marriage People Are Stupid:
1.) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2.) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3.) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4.) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5.) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6.) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
7.) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8.) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America. (Take that Fred Phelps!)
9.) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10.) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage.
Sad, But True:
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don’t believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.
As it’s usual for me now, this has taken a while. School is keeping me incredibly busy and there’s a bunch of personal projects that are taking up a lot of my time, so not much blogging time left.
This is to write about my current obsession: oriental dance! Belly dancing is only an aspect of the whole, but the subject is so fascinating! I have worked a lot this month and now I’ve got some money to spend and decided to try out dancing. My first lesson is on Wednesday, just to try it out, but I hope to make it a regular part of my life.
I’m very excited and nervous, but I’ll just have to see – no telling yet before I haven’t been there. Let’s just hope for the best.
Last weekend was very tiring, but Saturday was exciting – there was a tiny medieval festival in a neighbouring town, and it was really good. I loved the band and bought their latest CD, they’re called Versengold and are absolutely brilliant. I especially love their song “Und schon wieder rollt ein Kopf…” (= “And again a head is rolling…”).
So, keeping it short for today, but I’ll have to report from my lesson!
Last Saturday and Sunday was the first German lolita convention in Bonn, including a reading corner, gastronomy, indie brand stands, raffles, bring & buy and info talks. It was amazing! So many beautiful lolitas and so many great clothes. I didn’t get what I intended to (bloomers and a new petticoat) but instead bought a whole lot of other things:
- a jumperskirt by Bodyline, actually an Innocent World replica, but I don’t mind much
- a lace headpiece by Les Incroyables, matching the dress
- a Dunkelsüß shirt
- a pair of earrings and a matching necklace
- a cameo that I’ll make into a necklace or a brooch to match my Innocent World Musical Note jumperskirt
Oh dear! I’ll have to post pictures. Monday I went to the library just to bring back one book and got all dolled up in my new dress and everything. It was very funny!
I’ve also got a new game for my Nintendo DS, it’s called “Soul Bubbles” and is really great. You’re a soul herder and have to bring the souls of the deceased to the other world in a bubble, protecting them from getting lost in the way. The graphics and music are absolutely beautiful, and it’s very original. I love it!
Now. First things first, so let’s start with the serious stuff. Ahem. I’m 18 years old since the 16th. … WOOHOOOO! Good. Well. I intended to do an entry on my birthday, but life got in the way and then I was simply lacking the motivation… Lazy me. Thanks to everyone who thought of it! I had awesome weather and got some nice things, including The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (I’m so glad I’ve got my own copy now because it is one of my most favourite books ever, I’ll have to write an entry on it some time – homoeroticism, hedonism, Dandyism, shameless decadence, morally very questionable main characters, how can you not love it?) and Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (of which I have so far only seen the TV version with Colin Firth – who, I may add, looks hot with sideburns – but I’ve read the first chapter and love it).
It was a rather quiet birthday, but that’s the way I expected it and I’m not sad about it. I’m still going to have a brunch with family and friends (and we’ll also celebrate my granny’s 73th which is on the same day) and I’m looking forward to it. I don’t really feel all that grown-up now, but, well… I guess that’s one of the things that creep up on you slowly. One of my favourite quotes that I’ve seen in an online signature: “So this is what it’s like to be an adult.”
My art is thriving currently and I’m proud to say I manage to get my hour a day done at least, be it something from my imagination or anatomical studies. (I’m doing a lot of David K. Rubins these days, but I’ve got Sehen und Verstehen by Gottfried Bammes from the library, which is brilliant too behind all those fancy words.) I’m very fond of brush and ink now and usually don’t even make a pencil sketch anymore but dilute the ink to varying degrees and paint over it more strongly once I’m sure how I want it to look. It certainly frees me up and gets me into the “zone”. (I usually notice I’m in it when I don’t take notice anymore when the song I’m listening to changes.) My sketchbook on ConceptArt.Org is getting updated pretty regularly, every few days at least.
Today my family and I spent at the Neanderthal museum, which I love dearly and have visited countless times. They’ve even got copies now of the Venuses of Willendorf and Lespugue and several other monolithic female figurines, which I have a soft spot for, especially since there’s some belief among Neopagans that they hint towards a widespread monolithic Goddess worship. There’s many, including me, who don’t think it likely, but it’s still a fascinating thought. Just by themselves, they are works of incredible detail and beauty. The museum even sold key chains and fridge magnets of the Venus of Willendorf! Seems almost a bit blasphemous (ha! good thing I don’t have a concept of blasphemy!) to me, but now I’ve got my own little Venus to bring me luck. I guess, why not?
I’m looking forward to the 8th of August: there’s going to be the first two day lolita event in Germany, the Dunkelsüß Lolita Market! Dunkelsüß is a foto community for German-speaking lolitas (so it includes people from Switzerland and Austria) and the market is going to include a bring & buy, stalls from German indie brands, info talks and the like. I’m going to be helping on Saturday, but if I can organize myself a place to stay overnight (meaning: find someone to stay with or get a tent) I’ll be there on Sunday too. I’m so excited!
Now it’s to get up to my room and get that hour of anatomy done. I also need to study motorscooters! (Blame Kate Miller-Heidke with her song Motorscooter - or better yet, listen to it.)
A bit of stuff has been going on – for one, I took part in the absolutely terrific tooth brushing flashmob in Düsseldorf. I’ll do a separate post for that later.
I’m also on holidays now – summer holidays, in case my Aussie friends didn’t know. *wink* It’s good to not have homework and instead a lot of time to read and draw, especially the latter. I’ve neglected my art shamefully in the two months since coming back to Germany, so it’s good to be back on track. It’s a bit sad though having holidays because I’m also done with Latin – forever. I’ve earned the Latinum, which is like a certificate confirming that I have completed my five years of studying Latin. My marks aren’t outstanding, but alright, considering that I have only been here to be marked for two months.
On the topic of art again, I intend to spend heaps of time drawing during the holidays, preferably two hours or more a day. (Lazy thing that I am, I’m aiming for one and a half first, but we’ll see.) Looking around on the web, also among others my age, I’m amazed at all the incredibly talented people out there. It’s going to be hard work trying to catch up and reach the level to work as a professional artist, but I’m positive that with persistence and a good attitude I’ll get there. Looking at other artists’ journey from amateur to pro is greatly inspiring and shows me that even they have once been at the point that I am at now.
To have an additonal motivation I went back to my account on Concept Art and opened my own sketchbook. If people here are interested in my drawings, have a look over there! It’s still very pitiful, but I’m doing my best to improve. (And one day, some day, I’ll surely have a working scanner to not have to take photos of everything. Grrr.) Right now I’ve got two things in the work, a sketch of the armchair in our living room and a small still-life I set up on my table, including my beloved Innocent World headbow. Both are on hold right now, though, as the lighting (natural sunglight) changed too much for me to continue. Since I’ll be working all during the week, I think I can only continue them on the weekend or such. Pity.
Ah, yes. Work. I’m very happy to be helping in a holiday work shop for disabled children from Monday to Friday, some of them I know already from helping in a Friday afternoon group. The pay isn’t bad either, so the perfect holiday job. I hope, by the way, to get a mini-job at my favourite cosmetics brand Lush when I’ve turned 18. They’re free of animal testing, environmentally friendly, have awesome products, great customer service… Figures I’d love working there. It’s only 11 more days till my birthday.
The Fool
Pointy shoes, the tips turned up
Coquettish rests the jester’s cap
Upon his curls, his copper curls
As in a tune his fingers snapA merry jingle follows him
As vultures do a dying man
He’s not in chains
But still he’s trapped“What can I play for you today?”
He banters with a witty smile
“The flute, the harp, the drums, the pipe?”
The king is still
The jester knows, the web is tightThe smile that’s painted on his face
Does well to hide his harried eyes
He leaps and rolls and twists to please
The man that holds him like a viceThere is no smile to coax today
From the king’s wine-sodden lips
His reddened ears, without a doubt
Follow not the joker’s witThe fool despairs, he knows too well
The end is not to please the king
He leaps the higher, twists the more
And yet it is to no availA sad thing is a jester’s life
As fragile as his bones
The turn of thumb will signify
If he’ll see the next dawn’s glow
From his rooms
Or from a cellBalanced on a tightrope
He has but the king’s pleasure
To measure
His life.
A poem I wrote for English class. Jesters and clowns are a recurring theme in my drawings, so I thought I might write about them too.

After the business of the last weekend I’m glad to relax a bit. It was Japan Day in Düsseldorf, a huge annual event, and there was a skirt to be sewn for the lolita meet-up I was going to attend. It was fun and I saw many absolutely gorgeous outfits and met really nice people. There was a fashion show on done by CD Japan, featuring two drop-dead gorgeous outfits by Victorian Maiden and Beth. Also, a freeze flashmob! It was a bit unorganized though, but maybe it’ll be better next year.
Now that it’s over, I’m happy sitting back and reading. As posted yesterday, I read my way through Body. Leben im falschen Körper by Christine Fehér and am now devouring Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes, the complete novels and short stories in two volumes. I’ve started reading the first book before and got as far as The Adventure of the Crooked Man before I stopped reading for some reason – I think it was during a holiday and cannot for the life of me remember why. Right now I have finished A Study in Scarlet which I think is absolutely brilliant, and am at the beginning of The Sign of Four.
I adore the old-fashioned language, all the “my dear fellow” and “I dare say”, the foggy streets of London filled with cabs and street urchins, the sitting-room fireplaces and gentlemen. It takes me right back in time and makes me wish to travel into this London that is so morbid and homely at the same time.
It also intrigues me how closely light and dark go together. Holmes, while being highly intellectual, sensible and a master of deduction, is also arrogant, almost cold, and sharp. Not to mention his cocaine addiction, which I have to confess fascinates me immensely. I have the deepest respect for Watson’s disdain of it, seeing that in the times of Holmes cocaine was freely available and not considered unhealthy in any way, so Holmes’s dependency on his “seven-per-cent solution” thrice a day is not thought of as bad by society in general.
Watson in general is a wonderful character that is reduced way too often to a clumsy dimwit, another Oliver Hardy to make Holmes look even more intelligent by comparison. While it is true that he lacks the sharp skills of observation and deduction that Holmes possesses, Watson is in no way lacking in wits, he simply cannot win if compared with his companion. (But then, who can?) He himself has considerable skills and knowledge and is a renowned medical expert, which I think speaks of his qualities. He’s also the filter through which the reader may see Holmes without being put off by his cold sharpness.
Just last night I read an excellent essay about the two as a possible couple, and while this is of course debatable, there have been a lot of scholarly studies, essays and analyses concerning Watson and his women, Holmes and his lack of women, Watson and Holmes. I personally quite like it since having read a few good texts on the subject. To each their own, I suppose.
In philosophy class yesterday we talked about Peter Singer and what he says about vegetarianism being the way to go. Since I am almost vegan now (I do still eat products with dairy or eggs in them occasionally, but try to avoid them) I had to explain myself again to classmates as to why, etc. While I have no problem with that, I do find it amusing how often I am asked, “What do you eat?” Heaps of stuff, actually, but nobody seems to believe me when I say that I eat lots of yummy things everyday without having to resort to animal products. Strange, that. (Mind you, I was actually munching on a delicious vegan muffin while explaining, so… I don’t know, maybe they didn’t consider muffins a good example of nice foods. I can’t fathom why.)
Today my grandmother went to the market and bought fresh cherries and strawberries. I love strawberries, but cherries are more expensive and one of my favourite treats! There’s nothing better than reading a good book or essay and slowly eating up a great bunch of sweet, fresh cherries.
Title: Body. Leben im falschen Körper. (= Live/Living in the wrong body.)
Author: Christine Fehér
Date of publication: 2003
Original language: German
“Wie war das für dich, als du erfahren hast, dass ich… nun ja, also körperlich ein Mädchen bin?”
“Na ja, ein bisschen geschockt hat mich das schon. Schließlich war ich verknallt in dich.”
In meinem Hirn rattert es. Verknallt? Julian hat sich in mich als Jungen verknallt?
“Dann bist du also…”
“Schwul.”
~*~
“What was it like for you when you found out that I… well, that I’m physically a girl?”
“Well, truth to be told, I was a bit shocked. I had a crush on you, after all.”
It’s working in my brain. A crush? Julian had a crush on me as a boy?
“So you are…”
“Gay.”
“Anne-Julie is a distant dreamer, a sleepwalker on the lookout, a traveler from the shadows who loves labyrinths and unanswered enigmas, fairy tales and girls with white socks (Alice and her direct descendant, Ofelia, Pan’s Labyrinth heroine). At night, her heroines are lost in a nebulous kingdom full of dragonflies and flakes…” Danielle Chou
I have just recently discovered and instantly fallen in love with the art of Anne-Julie Aubry. She was born 1980 in France.
Her art is divided into two basic categories, Dark and Whimsical. I personally am deeply in love with both. Her pictures are like so many of my fantasies and day dreams of a strange fairy tale come true, it is easy to look at her work and not look away again for a long, long time.
The simplicity of the shapes and compositions used underline the childlike appeal of this weird wonderland she sends her heroines into, a world of dreams and mirrors and keys to nowhere, where two-headed girls walk their pet dogs on wheels.
Aubry’s art is refreshingly simple but beautiful, weird but genuine, dark but childlike. My fingers are itching now for my watercolours, just looking at her works gives me an incredible boost of creativity and makes me want to explore those strange worlds with my own brush and colours.
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It’s time to celebrate! Sunday was not only full moon, but also the day that I’ve been vegetarian for a month and a week now. I’m very happy and proud of myself. I’ve heard that the first month is the threshold, so I consider myself safe now
However, I don’t want to annoy my non-vegetarian (which will be most of you) readers by going on and on about it again, but instead I will post the recipe of the vegan brownies I made on Saturday to celebrate. I did go by a recipe, but I modified it quite a bit, so here’s my own version of it. Enjoy!
Vegan Walnut Brownies
Ingredients
500ml flour*
470ml sugar**
235ml cocoa***
235ml soy milk
120ml vegetable oil
2 handfuls of walnuts, chopped roughly
200g block of dark cooking chocolate
1 tsp baking powder
1 teaspoon vanillaDirections
Sift flour into a large bowl. Add sugar, cocoa and baking powder.Melt chocolate in a small bowl that you put into a pot of boiling water. Add some margarine if you like. In another bowl, mix the milk, oil and vanilla. When liquid, add the chocolate.
Pour the mixture into the bowl with the flour. Mix well, it will be quite thick. Add milk or flour if you’re not content with the texture yet. Add the walnuts.
Pour the dough into an oiled and floured square pan.
Bake for 30 minutes at 180°C. See if it’s done by stabbing into it with a knife or a fork – if it comes out clean, it’s done.
Guten Appetit! (That’s German for “enjoy your food” and is said before eating. Like “bon appétit” for the French or “itadakimasu” for the Japanese.)
Notes
* I used whole grain wheat flour, but if you don’t like the “healthy” taste of it, just use plain white flour.
** I used unrefined cane sugar, but as above, plain white is okay too. I also want to experiment with agave nectar and maple syrup to get the brownies a bit more gooey.
*** I used drinking chocolate powder because I didn’t have pure cocoa, but it worked out well. However, it might be that less chocolate is needed when pure cocoa is used.
They turned out very nice, my family loves them. My friends at school were also very surprised at how good they although they are vegan, it was quite amusing to watch their reactions.
There’s still room for improvement, though. They turned out a bit floury, but that might be due to the use of drinking chocolate instead of pure cocoa. They’re not overly sweet which I think goes very nicely with the slightly bitter taste of the walnuts. Also, a bit crumbly. Ah well. I’m working on it. Maybe I’ll revise the recipe once I’ve done some experimenting.
I’m also thinking about another name change. Yet again. I know, I know.

Title: Frostfeuer
Author: Kai Meyer
Date of publication: 2005
Original language: German
Der alte Mann saß auf einer Bank vor dem Winterpalais und fütterte die Schneeflocken.
Neben ihm lag ein kleiner Lederbeutel, aus dem er dann und wann eine Hand voll silbrigen Staubes hervorzog und mit einem leisen, glücklichen Lachen vor sich in die Luft streute. Die wattigen Flocken, die seit Tagen ununterbrochen aus dem grauen Himmel fielen, schwärmten sogleich aus alles Richtungen herbei und ballten sich um die glitzernde Wolke. Wenn sie am Boden ankamen, war der Staub verschwunden. Die Schneeflocken hatten ihn aufgezehrt.
~*~
The old man was sitting on a bench in front of the winter palace and fed the snowflakes.
Next to him lay a small leather bag out of which he took every now and then a handful of silvery dust and sprinkled it with a quiet, happy laugh into the air in front of him. The cottony flakes that had been falling out of the grey sky for days immediately came swarming from all directions and clustered around the glittering cloud. When they reached the ground, the dust had gone. The snowflakes had eaten it all up.